Dancho, Poncho, a Day in the Fog, Maca, and My New Shower Curtain

The mind can be a terribly wasteful thing.


The last week has been an unpredictable roller coaster of emotion. Today was spent in that anxiety feeling. A hood engulfs my brain and I can tell I'll burst into tears at some point, but I never know the exact time. I maintained composure during my 9 am meeting and tears began streaming down my face afterwards as I walked about a mile to the main bus route to head to my 10:30 meeting. I actually arrived to my next meeting at 11:30. About 2 miles. I waited for a MUNI bus #71 for about 30 minutes plus the 30 minutes I walked.

And today was cold. Bitter cold in comparision to the past two weeks of tropical bliss. Global warming has a spoiling effect on the masses.

While walking I called my support group: Fumi, Michelle, Mitzi, Megan, Mary Ann. I explained that I was saying my affirmation, but it wasn't reversing the overt need to cry. I explained that I needed support and that I wanted to explore other ways of maintaining composure.

My phone remained idle as I reached Market Street. I stood in the greyness, among the din of cars and people shuffling from place to place.

During my second meeting I felt overwhelmed because I know nothing about installing a wireless network on a PC. The tutorial/help was pretty useless to me as lay person.

I took down specs and returned upstairs to work on website stuff.

Purchasing a domain name and host? I've never done such a thing. Through webaxxe.com or something like that we purchased 14.00/month hosting. Oh and apparently were charged $26.00 for domain name registry. I guess I wouldn't have been miffed, save that this $26.00 was not clearly itemized. I called customer service and she insisted that was clearly marked.

Whatever.

Idiot.

My friend has cable tv. My anxiety raged to where I felt completely incompetent about everything...my lack of understanding about GIS technobabble, wireless networking, not to mention the other usual demons I deal with...I felt like I was about to become Niagara Falls again.

She was watching a show called Starting Over. A reality show about improving women's lives who have told themselves they're not going to take it anymore, have submitted a tape to NBC, and work on a goal.

If I could only figure out my goal, I'd submit a tape, man. I may not watch tv, but maybe this could help me with the depression demon I battle.