Friday, July 7, 2006
to get me through, i have to remember the following...
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1) this is the only july 8 & 9th weekend in 2006 that will ever be
2) mary ann, 9 am
3) copious amounts of futbol, begining with germany/portugal on sat
4) and the french/italian final showdown on sunday
5) i have a paper to write, 2 chapters of my text to read, and a quarter of a novel to finish by monday
6) my next essay assignment is on the film alien autopsy
7) friends call
8) i love my family
9) my hair won't perpetually be a tangle
10) this american life is great radio
11) there are stars up in the sky and they're pretty
12) for now i don't ALSO have to worry about how the hell i am going to take care of a two year old
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4 comments:
1) You are loved - even by those of us so preoccupied by our own shit that we neglect to call
2) You are lovable
3) You are living in the Bay Area, which I think is pretty much the land of narcissism in some ways - didn't used to be, but sure is now.
4) Love your friends, but don't trust their taste. The only set up dates I have been on were both ridiculous and made me question if my friends know me at all.
5) Two year old?
6) Remember to always do what you love for the sake of doing what you love, regardless of whether you meet someone or not. 'Cause odds are, that's when you will meet someone. I met "Leo" on a ski date. Granted, that ended badly, but still, I only regret our communication failure, not having met him at all.
7) Find something to smile from the heart at everyday. Even if it means playing your theme song (you do have one, don't you? Mine is "These are days" by 10000 Maniacs and it ALWAYS makes me smile).
Thank you for the list, Ms. Karen. One think I know about the spiral is that if one is sucked in, one must be spit out the other end, like a new universe is shat out of a black hole.
This was one of my smaller black hole weekends.
#6 is often stifled by my perception of resources. I need to realize that resources do not always equal cash and credit. Hell, I raft for free and that's cause I volunteer!
#7 wasn't working for me AT ALL this weekend. BUT I did smile when I read your favourite song...that was my sister's class song and she used to play it so much that it drove me INSANE. This morning I was listening to the Beatles Anthology and Eight Days a Week was the song I was loving because it reminded me of putting tokens in at Chuck E. Cheese and watching the Beagles come to life and do their animatronic renditions of Beatles' songs. Their floppy mop tops would jerk back and forth and the Ringo's hands would barely touch the drumheads, but I would watch them over and over because I dug the Beatles so much. It was like a jukebox with robots.
This, of course, was when Chuck E. Cheese pizza was decent. Remember THOSE days?
Oh Erika, I wish I could help you in some way. You sound so pained and defeated.
I like Karen's list. and I love yours. Keep on remembering good stuff and figuring out how to make your life a series of lessons. Don't make yourself smile when you need to cry, though. It's okay to have a bad weekend to make you appreciate the really great ones.
Thanks, mamita. Karen's a ridiculously wise woman. One day I'll visit her in her Northwest Compound and get a weekend course in self-esteem.
I'm trying to keep the wolves at bay. This weekend was HARD. I just wonder why I was built this way because it seems to be inefficient. If it's brain chemistry or whatever...it's annoying.
I'm feeling better, however. So drinking my smoothie must've been good.
A good cry was helpful. Hell it was so helpful that I had quite a FEW of them.
What balances out is that I also tend to have very GOOD days, but I forget those exist on my bad days.
I am making connections with my critical thinking class (got an A on my second paper, too! woot!) that I don't always think rationally...asking questions is the first step, then answering those questions, and then believing in those answers...I jump to conclusions and make bad assumptions without asking questions of my negative thinking. Now that I am more aware of that, I'm going to bring that to Mary Ann more often to create techniques to combat against the bad logic I jump to. The text says this kind of logic can stem from coping mechanisms we develop while growing up.
I just wish I could rewind to where I developed these mechanisms that are no longer useful in adulthood...I'm a work in progress.
Today I was thinking of how one makes batiks. And the beautiful process that must be.
One day when I'm grown up enough and have the means to visit you Phonicians you'll have to show me the joys of tennis, batik, and Roman so I have more tools in the Erika toolbox.
Viele Bussi, Liebchen!
Und danke schoen.
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