Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Found My Way Downstairs and Drank a Cup...

Last night I fell asleep sans my medicine and herbs.

I woke up with a raging headache...issues buzzing about my head...

My daily calendar reminded me to take a more positive outlook today.

I swallowed my vitamins and medicine and had tea and reminded myself of that.

The headache has been gnawing between my temples for the better part of the last week.
Congestion, I bet. In addition to just feeling overall pressure that something amazing is supposed to happen since it's been my birthday.

I am supposed to feel fearless, invincible.

But I don't. My superhero cape is balled up somewhere in the clutter of my apartment.

I put on some boots and earrings. I left my house with the intention of doing good today.

That amounted to spending some time with a student who just needed to be made aware of possibilities.

It also amounted to spending some time with some students to make them aware of their responsibilities and their power to handle them.

It also amounted to me becoming very aware of my right leg not feeling quite right. How did I injure it?

I called my aunt for some advice. She assured me that I am okay. People who wonder if they are okay invariably are.

And she shared with me some secrets...to look at myself in the mirror (even if I don't believe it) and tell myself good things...right now that looks like...
"I am beautiful...I am prosperous...I am happy...I can maintain friendships...I am worthy of a spouse...I can have a beautiful and neat home...I am healthy...I have discipline...I can manage my time well...."

Meanwhile the whole thing about buses blowing up in Algeria, more people being shot, and my registration stresses me out. It gnaws at my brain.

It's the holiday season. A season I once looked upon with awe. I loved the lights, the decorations, the connecting with friends and family, the food.

Now that I am separated from family and feel alienated from my friends...I don't know what to do with the holidays.

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