feliz ano nuevo

in pink i enter
the new year. throwback 1970.
rock and roll and soul.

i dare you come in
2008. bring joy, great
things to come. maybe

even friends, goodness.
2008? an even
year. an extra day!

happy new year to
us. inhabitants of
the one planet earth.

celebrate. dance. kiss.
embrace the newness of it!
i will. i promise.

Goal - Halla Bol

Possibly one of
the coolest soccer songs I've
heard in a long time!

we'll see if the film
is as cool as the beats it is
jammin on the net.

rain

ah, rain. this morning
no headache, but, man! it's cold!
i need thicker socks!

marc took me out last
night. we talked over dinner.
he forbade my tears.

he made me laugh and
shared good news. i drank wine and
dwelled in marlene's.

Darkness Falls Across the Land

This morning's murder
hit my brain with the alarm.
Bhutto's death. My God.

So life is worthless.
That's my takeaway. She dies.
We all die. Don't we?

Last night I saw friends
and wanted to shrink, go away.
They feel foreign now.

I question value--
mine. What do I offer them?
ROI? None. Zilch.

Added value means gifts,
information, new insights.
I don't offer these.

My sadness is not
anyone's gift. And so I
don't know. I don't "add".

Bottom line, profits.
This is where I fall short, see?
I am judged useless.

Toll?

511 dot org...
So weird...I need to pay you.
The site says "ERROR"

Christmas was just chill.
Family called. I rested.
Pakistani film.

The List of Accomplishments 2007

1. Visit my mother for her 60th birthday
2. Visit my mother for mother's day after her house burned down
3. Attend my grand-aunt's 90th birthday party
4. Produce over 300 youth created films
5. Co-produce youth centered film awards
6. Train and run for a half-marathon
7. Train 12 teachers in digital storytelling
8. Join a board of directors
9. Go on a date in Manhattan that was initiated by a man
10. Lose 8 pounds and keep them off
11. Learn how to cut my own hair
12. Clean the kitchen and bathroom
13. Buy some of my own clothes
14. Attend 2 weddings
15. Get arrested
17. Read 5/13 Lemony Snicket books
18. Read 8 other books
19. Switch from chemical detergent to soap nuts
20. Drink more water
21. Find acupuncture and use it as part of my health regimen
22. Attend public performances of theater, music, and intellectual nature
23. Visit 4 other states
24. Buy a pair of pearl earrings
25. Find joy in food
26. Maintain a 2 blogs, yelp, flickr, myspace, facebook, orkut, friendster, and bebo pages.
27. Buy Amadeus, the movie
26. Pluck countless chin hairs
27. Take myself out dancing
28. Find out what a rubab is
29. Dare to wear a sari skirt
30. Change my status to "married" to reduce the amount of dating ads I receive
31. Write letters
32. Talk to each of my immediate family members at least monthly
33. Invite the orange and black kitty into my home
34. Eat Goose Web
35. Turn 35

End of Year

Three days of Jesus
The Babe. The Glorious One.
I am alone here.

Corpus Christi Church
rehearsed their Mary, Joseph,
angels and shepherds.

All 9 or younger
sweet, restless children. Holy?
Innocence is. Yes.

Theirs is a God of
Wonder. Of Good. Without Fail.
No judgement. Just Good.

What about when man
uses God's name for evil?
Forgive them, children.

Adults can twist good
for their use. They can twist God's
words, but not God's love.

I am alone, still.
Solace in some sunshine and
the Church's songs. Pretty.

This year is sad so
far. Thirty-fifth feels alone.
I ponder my gifts.

What do I offer?
Not money. Not anything.
So why call me friend?

Many have been kind.
I thank you. Perhaps moved by
charity? Me? Wretch!

In this sun I feel
warmth. The hymns of Christmas come
tonight during mass.

To my family:
Te quiero tanto. Son mi
alma. Gracias.

To those who have been
friendly to me: thank you for
your kindness, your selves.

One day a woman
will come into your life and
repay all her debts.

She will not be me.
She will be different, a
new one. Happier.

Last Night's Dream!

Last night's dream was weird.
I dreamt I birthed a pair of
yellow and white hose

Printed with sun signs
They were stuck so I had to
get a stick. P-p-p-op! Eww!

Out came the hose-- wet
and messy but it relieved
me. I was stressed out!

Pregnant with panty
hose? What does that mean? Future?
Mine? Not funny, dude!

Holiday Video for Christmas #1

Mi Burrito Sabanero...the remix.

less than a week til xmas

constant headaches, grr.
every morning since i don't
remember. it hurts.

but i did dance last
night. nickie's and wine. barefeet.
i danced. he danced, too.

my muse returned to
me. black feet from the rhythm
pulsing from the floor.

Wow...Twins

Okay, so I met
the twins yesterday. They are
gorgeous! Beautiful!

Doug and T. Roya
Lexi...an amazing crew
Total joy and love!

K-P-F-A was
awesome to let Streetside do
the radio show!

Haiku

I think I am well
HOLY COW! It's been so
long. Remember health?

The weekend was good.
Kite Runner, Amadeus,
Lemony Snicket.

Feeling healthy, yes!
Need to dance! Sing! Celebrate!
Perhaps? New Years? Hrm.

Think about today.
Clean the house. Beautiful.
The gleam of sunset.

End 2007.
Enter 2008 and
Hail the joys to come!

Found My Way Downstairs and Drank a Cup...

Last night I fell asleep sans my medicine and herbs.

I woke up with a raging headache...issues buzzing about my head...

My daily calendar reminded me to take a more positive outlook today.

I swallowed my vitamins and medicine and had tea and reminded myself of that.

The headache has been gnawing between my temples for the better part of the last week.
Congestion, I bet. In addition to just feeling overall pressure that something amazing is supposed to happen since it's been my birthday.

I am supposed to feel fearless, invincible.

But I don't. My superhero cape is balled up somewhere in the clutter of my apartment.

I put on some boots and earrings. I left my house with the intention of doing good today.

That amounted to spending some time with a student who just needed to be made aware of possibilities.

It also amounted to spending some time with some students to make them aware of their responsibilities and their power to handle them.

It also amounted to me becoming very aware of my right leg not feeling quite right. How did I injure it?

I called my aunt for some advice. She assured me that I am okay. People who wonder if they are okay invariably are.

And she shared with me some secrets...to look at myself in the mirror (even if I don't believe it) and tell myself good things...right now that looks like...

"I am beautiful...I am prosperous...I am happy...I can maintain friendships...I am worthy of a spouse...I can have a beautiful and neat home...I am healthy...I have discipline...I can manage my time well...."

Meanwhile the whole thing about buses blowing up in Algeria, more people being shot, and my registration stresses me out. It gnaws at my brain.

It's the holiday season. A season I once looked upon with awe. I loved the lights, the decorations, the connecting with friends and family, the food.

Now that I am separated from family and feel alienated from my friends...I don't know what to do with the holidays.

Please heal me!

I am SO done with this flu. After 2 weeks...I am now down to just congestion. I gave a training on Saturday that wiped me out.

Fever, general lethargy, dealing with the police, dealing with lack of money....

I'm feeling really invalid.

I love what I do. I love the joy of seeing kids GET IT, that AHA moment is priceless.

I wish I could be part of a society that values the work of all of its workers....

Yesterday I spent in silence, cleaning my room, bathing, watching Babel, taking a walk, watching the sunset and wishing that I could be balanced, understand myself in the context of the world.

I want to understand I am NOT alone. I want to understand that I am expanding my knowledge constantly.

I must be here for a reason. I need to find that.

I'm 35 and now have a record.

Yeap. I was arrested tonight in San Francisco. (And released.)

Here's the thing. As a moderate income earner I balance my bills...something I have to pay right now and other things I put off as long as I can...

And, well...apparently I put off registering my car a little too long. I've been sick all week and apparently my license is expired...I was going to take care of that tomorrow...

So I was arrested (fingerprints and pictures) and released this evening.

It was a little unnerving, but the policemen were cool. They didn't tow my car, at least.

Note to self: keep up with the registration kinda thing. And don't be arrested.
That's one to grow on.

Whoa...More Puerto Ricans in the Entertainment Industry

Joaquin Phoenix is one of my people! Dude, after his performance in Walk the Line, I will TOTALLY claim him.

Rock on. Puerto Ricans can play characters other than Mexicans, Johnny Cash was clearly neither.

Woot!

I'd like to advocate for the flu shot

I've been sick for the past week. Laryngitus, some fever, congestion, some coughing up of green stuff and feeling pretty crappy. This was not the plan for the beginning of my 35th year.

If you have access to a flu shot, please take it. I got it last year and I had a decently clean bill of health.

I've been doing tea, soup, raw garlic, and all kinds of remedies up a storm.

To no avail.

And watching season 3 of 24 hasn't helped either. I don't want to think I have the incurable virus that will have me start bleeding from my nose and mouth spontaneously.

Ackness.