Thursday, June 7, 2007

G-d will take care of me.

So this is me: 1 week til payday and about 2 dollars to my name. I have been weaning myself off the cash advances, but that has meant that I have been negative in my bank account every two weeks for the entirety of 2007.

I took a $1500 paycut to make this professional move.

That's the $1500 bucks I saved of vacation time from my previous employer.

And that melted away as soon as the stolen car drama started in September.

For the most part I have eaten. A little thinly lately, but I have eaten. It's why I didn't run last week. You can't train on just rice and beans. Running has meant I eat more often, which bumps up the cost of food. I have paid my rent. I have met my basic needs.

Today I am a little scared. I am not sure how I will get to work over the next week, but I am sure that it will happen. But I am not in the deep depression of despair.
That's good.

I know that I will welcome my raise come review time in September. I know that my expenses will go down in the summer when I am not driving to four diffent schools and paying $4 a day to cross the bridge.

But today I have that "I am not so sure" feeling in my gut. Today I don't know what the next week will be like.

I know that I will eat. And I know G-d will take care of me.

Today I just have doubt.

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