God, Please Make My Insides Right

Okay, so last night I went home fairly early and nestled up in my bed about 7 pm after tidying up a corner and finding lots of recycling from letters of solicitation from products I would never use. That was excellent.

I went on to reading On Beauty for about 3 hours and then I felt a little tummy gurgling.

"Hrm," I thought and I kept reading about Howard Belsey and Victoria Kipps. He was having a bad reaction to a glee club that was hilarious to read. I laughed out loud.

The gurgle returned.

Mind you...yesterday's consumption consisted of Judy's Love Stick whole wheat bread, swiss cheese, japanese vegetables, red bananas, and water.

I'm slowly coming back to eating solid food after being sick for God knows how long.

The gurgle became a terrible stomach knot. Terrible.

I brought my book on nutritional healing and took my royal seat, wincing from the stomach pain. For about an hour and a half I tried gentle yoga poses to wrench out this excutiating cramp. I laid down, I laid on my side, I sat up, I drank water.

I prayed to God. I began to sweat.

I was uncomfortable.

I found my charcoal from my December bout with bowel discomfort. I struggled unscrewing the camp and shaking out two black tablets from the bottle.

Raising my arm to get a tea cup from the cupboard seemed like I was drawing and quartering my body.

I managed to fill the cup with lukewarm water and consumed the charcoal.

I still had to wait 20 minutes through some pain insanity.

My body released the demons it encased. The cramping subsided. The gurgling ended.

And I wondered what the hell it was that caused me such a moment of discomfort.

I also realized that I must be in my 30s because body discomforts seem to be on my mind and how to stave them off is high on my list of to dos.

I would have finished my book, too, if it hadn't had been for my little episode.

No offense to Ms. Zadie Smith, who's birthday is today. She's the author of White Teeth and On Beauty and her book has been my bedfellow for these past 3 weeks.

Sugar Skull 2

Sugar Skull 2
Originally uploaded by Hybridboricua.

A beautiful example of a sugar skull on an altar honoring the dead at the Dia de Los Muertos Celebration at the Oakland Museum of California on Oct. 22, 2006.

Eid Mubarak - Diwali - Dia de los Muertos

Autumn leaves shuffle, dancing in the little whirlwinds outside of my door. Familiar scratching of dry leaves make me nostalgic for autumns of the east...colored crimson, marigold, maize, and wine.

The last few days as strength has returned to my body I have been listening to the music of these dancing leaves and listening to the coverage of Ramadan in Iraq, Diwali in India, and the beginning of the Halloween/Dia de los Muertos celebrations in the Bay Area and I am sure somewhere south of the border.

I went to the Dia de los Muertos celebration at the Oakland Museum of California yesterday after aching seriously in my bed. I finally motivated at 2:30 pm to handle the aches of my abdomen and to go out into the sunshine, into the autumn, and pay respects to my elders and the youth I know who have died. I don't go to church regularly, the least I could do is participate in a communal celebration.

This year's theme is Laughing Bones, Weeping Hearts. A youth group set up an altar to commemorate those who have been murdered in Oakland this year...we're topping 110 so far. A group set up a pink cross cemetary to the women of Chiapas who have been murdered. The main altar featured the madres, padres, tios, and tias of the organizers. A paper marigold heart was at the center in the back and la Virgen sat atop the front. Candles and incense burners and sugar skulls adorned it.

I have made little altars for myself commemorating symbols of significance to me since I can remember...things I collected like shelves and leaves. Things that have been gifted to me like glass swans and handpainted unicorn figurines.

As I have gotten older I have taken pictures of friends and families, pieces of art, cloth, seeds, shells, boxes, glass...and I have created altars all about my rooms and now my home. My home is historically pretty messy. Piles of clothes and papers, and recycling...just strewn about.

My altars are perfect. They are dusted. They have a distinct geography to them. Plants and pictures. Shells and toys. Symbols of strength and memories and love. All have their place. And should a guest come and move something, I am quick to notice and return the item to its proper place.

I was raised Catholic, so I have known altars since my head was dowsed with water so many years ago. But these altars are symbols of my Self, my community and my connections. I deem them spiritual, but not of any Faith. I have Catholic symbols, Jewish symbols, Islamic, Wiccan, Buddhist, and secular symbols weaving a world of intimacy and meaning for me. Candles are lit on them occasionally for me to reflect on all those who have touched me to make me the woman I am and I think to the woman I want to be.

Many people know me in many different contexts. I am serious. I am vulgar. I am loving. I am silly. I am worrysome. I am solution-oriented. I dance. I am beautiful. I am ugly. I am flying. I am crawling. I am uneducated. I am learned.

There is much convergence in the world. These celebrations honoring light and loved ones and sacrifice...these are things all people can connect with.

My prayer today is that we humans are touched by what connects us, that which is Holy within each of us and that we know Love.